Disclaimer: Not to be taken too seriously, especially if you were surreptitiously mentioned. Take this piece as a parody or satire, without the Mad Magazine foldout picture surprise on the inside back cover page or compromising, posed, photographs in over-21 year only glad-rags.
Here were some ‘No-No’s’ that my conversations with triathletes yielded yesterday. These were more amusing than of major concern. What do you think?
1) Long compression socks that remind us of the Harajuku schoolgirls on Glico Pocky TVCs of bygone days. Swimming with compressions socks? Soggy fabric, however space-aged it is, may not be fully effective. Trust my bespoke tailor's knowledge of cloth and cutting.
2) Fully-decked out in compression-wear/suits that suggests to us that we have superheroes walking/running among us. We are not referring to our much-respected ultra-marathoners.
3) Two-piece, mid-riff-bare, tri-suits. So wrong if you need a shave down South (to your Downtown Line).
4) Crippled runners who have knee-braces/straps holding their knees together. If you’re injured, please rest. Do RICES. See a sports-medicine doctor. You are running on a house of cards!
5) Pink, powder-pink or shocking pink – not a colour of choice for multi-disciplined endurance, male athletes. Ladies - you look great in almost any combination of colours.
6) Aero-helmets worn the wrong way: Angry Birds in disguise?
7) I am waiting for bike-mechanics to change my flat tyre! Self-reliance is the way to go.
8) Luminous, green, Speedo swimming trunks: Rarely seen these days, but I predict it may make a strong comeback to pit against the speed-suits. This may be the next trendsetter complete with gaping holes and groin-rash and abrasions. Ouch!