The Path to Parenting (Part 1)

[Contributed generously by happy fathers, Edwin Tan and Joshua Lee]

I sat with two ordinary guys who lead extraordinary lives. One is a father of two children, and the other is a new father. I recall when I was a young boy I watched a popular American sitcom called ‘Father Knows Best’. Do fathers really know best? This interview explores the perspectives that fatherhood sheds on men with diapers, feed-bottles and interrupted slumber.

EV: What is different now that you are a father?

ET: I guess the responsibilities that come with parenthood that for me means that the children come first. I will consider things from their perspective when I do things. I imagine it to be another pathway in life that I am taking and it is a long journey (perhaps till I die).

JL: It is really quite different from what I had in mind. After deliberating for sometime, my wife and I decided that it was a good idea to take care of our newborn son (Daryl) ourselves. I thought that it would be an experience of a lifetime to be able to play a more active role in this. Not too many males in the modern society will have this kind of experience.

EV: Which is your favourite part of being a Dad?

ET: The unpredictable nature of my children. It always amazes me to discover new things about my children and acknowledging that they are different. I appreciate that my child can teach me things and help me look at my own blind spots (when they demonstrate certain behaviors (through modeling after me) that I disapproved of which lead me to start to be more aware of my own behaviors in front of them. I guess you can call this personal development. So my children can be my coach in becoming a better person.

JL: After I resigned from my work as an IT manager, other than taking care of Daryl, I had a few personal plans in mind. I had wanted to read some good inspirational, management, spiritual, Information Technology and magic books. I wanted to learn some really cool sleight of hand moves and magic tricks. I also wanted to pick up new skill-sets in IT technologies that I had previously no time for. On my physical aspect, was hoping to do some running and exercising, and maybe I can participate in some cool running events, like what my friend Enrico is doing, and look as good.

EV: Which is your least favourite part?

ET: At the moment nothing, I enjoy the journey of being a father. Of course I am lucky that I have my wife and other people to help with the poop and other stuff. But if I have to do it, I will and can.

JL: Did I achieve anything? I can only remember that I must have washed close to 3000 milk bottles, and lost count on how many diapers I've changed. Spending most of the time entertaining my son, worrying that he will be bored or his brain is not properly stimulated. My whole world is almost about him. I still tried my best to read a little, or go for a jog whenever I can, but it is nothing near what I had wanted to do. Oh, did I mention the ton of housework that needs to be done?

EV: Which lessons have you learnt being a Dad?

ET: That my child is a mirror of me. Thus, it is important for me to behave in ways that I want them to behave. Pay attention to my children qualities, characters, strengths and weakness. To discover their potential and o help them develop it. Not to force my ideas onto them. Be a cheerleader and encourage my children. Teaching the right values and morals and disciplining is important and so it encouragement especially when they made mistakes. I tried to be Solution focused in my thinking instead of criticising, I tried to encourage my children to do the right things.

(To be continued)