Facing Your Fear of Failure

Do you have a fear of failure? This fear can germinate from the seed of doubt. What starts as a mild concern may grow into a nagging problem (situation, issue or person)! Consider a hypochondriac and his/her aversion of sick people around them (I wonder how many people with masks on, have an unrelenting fear of catching something, or nothing?). Feedback is taken more seriously, especially if these come from respected people and you deeply value their opinions and judgments; you can include critics and reviewers (if you are an author, artist, musician or actor).

This fear of failure can drive you to throttle backwards; you can, deliberately, decelerate your progress. You may even stop doing things that allow you to advance in your career, or profession. This is akin to applying the brakes on your wheels as you are gaining speed down a hill on your bike. Sure, you should apply deceleration at times, especially if your safety becomes a concern. However, you need not jeopardize your potential success because your fear gets the better of you. Why fret – unless you are guitar?

Years ago, I was taught at a seminar that ‘fear’ is False Evidence Appearing as Real. So, it is an illusion in my mind – and essentially, an ill version of what our reality is. It may not mean we are sick in the head, but our thoughts can be sickening because it causes us ‘dis-ease’. Time for a reality check of what is, and what isn’t!

Have you hear this language pattern that includes the words ‘virtual’ or ‘virtually’? What does it mean? It is as if the speaker is suggesting an alternate universe other than ‘reality’. Reality language includes ‘actually’, ‘in actuality’, ‘realistically speaking’, ‘really’ and ‘let’s be realistic’. Oh, how we walk a narrow, somnambulistic plank between reality and illusion!

A corollary to the fear of failure would be the fear of success. Can you have a fear of success? You may have read how seemingly successful people who do strange things to, apparently, sabotage their success. Abnormal behaviors would include a penchant for doing the addictive, excessive and destructive. What gives of these extreme behaviors? Are these disguises for a low self-esteem, inferiority complex, self-castigation, or major discomfort for the unfamiliar?

Perhaps, the overwhelming sense of not living up to expectations puts the successful person in intellectual overdrive. Living up to other’s expectations can be stressful, as what we do may be scrutinized. The thought of being examined under a microscope and criticized for what we do, or not do, can be disheartening.

So, what can we do? Face up to reality. Do a reality check. Take two sides. Imagine you are optimistic: what are your options and possibilities of immediate success? Now, imagine you are pessimistic: what holds you back, and what can be the worst-case scenario for you if you continue on your current course of actions? Are any of these fears unfounded? Do you have strong evidence to indicate that some of these concerns may be realized? What are you doing to sabotage your success, consciously and unconsciously?

When I swam solo last week [read: Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks], I confronted one of my fears (of failure). It was disguised as my limitation, however I managed to challenge my belief. Our fear of failure or success is but a belief that may not be useful, if these impede our potential, or our capabilities to realize our talents and abilities.