Solution Focused Brief Therapy Symposium 2009

If you are keen to enhance your soft skills, do consider the Solution Approach. As a graduate of Solutions Coaching, I have found that this intervention (set of techniques and methodology) can be refreshing and useful.

The Solution Focused Brief Therapy Symposium will be held on 10-11 November 20009 at the Concord Hotel. It is organised by the amiable Solutions Coach and Trainer, Edwin Tan. The thrust this year is on strength and resilience, which happen to be useful leadership qualities especially for corporate leaders and endurance sports.

Please support the event if you wish to upgrade your counseling skills. Although Edwin is a good friend of mine, I do not stand to gain any financial benefit from this promotion. I am just passing the good word forward.

The Case for Outsourcing

Outsourcing is the process of seeking paid expertise to address a need within a company. Companies outsource talent from outside, including contractors, vendors, trainers, caterers and human resource consultants. Outsourcing enhances performance without incurring huge liabilities like obligation

This quotation came from Craig Alexander, a professional Australian triathlete who was crowned, second-year running world champion triathlete in Kona-Kailua, Hawaii.

‘Worked a little bit with Chris Carmichael, one of the coaches who works with Chris Carmichael. I definitely outsourced – the second you think you know everything is when you get in trouble. I talked a lot with Dave (Scott) and Greg Welch.’

Craig is astute in his observation. Scott and Welch were former world champions in triathlons. The moment when you think you know everything, you may have missed something critical. Self-reflection and personal analysis have limitations; a second pair of eyes can detect the elusive, as well as the obvious. Recall the Zen parable about the monk asking the scholar to empty the cup of tea? You cannot fill the cup unless you first empty the cup.

As mentioned over several blog posts here, coaching is a form of outsourcing. A coach brings diversity of ideas and acute observations and feedback, to help the athlete attain a heightened performance, and enhance his capability.

Leadership Lesson: Outsource – to resource yourself further. Leaders do not work alone. Seek help when you need.

Do You Hate Vegetables?

I watched a newsreel today, which featured a 103-year-old Australian lady who is a world-record holder in athletics (at least in her age group). She throws the shot-putt. Interestingly, she has not eaten vegetables since she was a child. With her current level of health and fitness, I am certain that it might shift a few mental paradigms for those who are fond of a mixed, omnivorous diet.

Do you recall how – as a child – how we used to hate certain vegetables? Yet, our parents tried creative methods to get us to “eat” our “greens” – covertly or overtly. When we grew older, this apparent “disgust” for veggies (disguised or otherwise) became reduced and we ate them voluntarily.

Travelling is a useful, voluntary activity, unless you are on a business trip. It allows us to open up our minds to new experiences and accommodate new perspectives. For some of us, travelling is about the journey; for others, it is the destination. Both are equally important. The destination can be an analogy of our goals, targets and achievements. The journey can be the process, the means to get there, and our ambition.

When we travel, we need to be respectful of our “hosts”. I believe that hospitality needs to be earned. Too often, we tend to be critical of others when we make comparisons to what is familiar to us. Our frames of reference may be narrower than we think. To appreciate cross-cultural differences, we may have to endure mild discomfort for the unusual learning we may receive. Instead of approaching differences with suspicion, resentment and arrogance, we can treat it as a learning opportunity because of the uniqueness of individuals and the environment.

To appreciate change, we must forego familiarity, comfort and security. Otherwise, we have not really made any adaptation. We adapt by adopting cultural requirements and expectations, and then become adept at it with practice, responding to feedback and being alert to another’s needs.

Move away from our preferences and explore our prejudices. Our prejudices may hold for us an untapped pool of undiscovered possibilities. Get close to our preferences; Get closer to our prejudices.

Go on - eat your vegetables!

Facing Your Fear of Failure

Do you have a fear of failure? This fear can germinate from the seed of doubt. What starts as a mild concern may grow into a nagging problem (situation, issue or person)! Consider a hypochondriac and his/her aversion of sick people around them (I wonder how many people with masks on, have an unrelenting fear of catching something, or nothing?). Feedback is taken more seriously, especially if these come from respected people and you deeply value their opinions and judgments; you can include critics and reviewers (if you are an author, artist, musician or actor).

This fear of failure can drive you to throttle backwards; you can, deliberately, decelerate your progress. You may even stop doing things that allow you to advance in your career, or profession. This is akin to applying the brakes on your wheels as you are gaining speed down a hill on your bike. Sure, you should apply deceleration at times, especially if your safety becomes a concern. However, you need not jeopardize your potential success because your fear gets the better of you. Why fret – unless you are guitar?

Years ago, I was taught at a seminar that ‘fear’ is False Evidence Appearing as Real. So, it is an illusion in my mind – and essentially, an ill version of what our reality is. It may not mean we are sick in the head, but our thoughts can be sickening because it causes us ‘dis-ease’. Time for a reality check of what is, and what isn’t!

Have you hear this language pattern that includes the words ‘virtual’ or ‘virtually’? What does it mean? It is as if the speaker is suggesting an alternate universe other than ‘reality’. Reality language includes ‘actually’, ‘in actuality’, ‘realistically speaking’, ‘really’ and ‘let’s be realistic’. Oh, how we walk a narrow, somnambulistic plank between reality and illusion!

A corollary to the fear of failure would be the fear of success. Can you have a fear of success? You may have read how seemingly successful people who do strange things to, apparently, sabotage their success. Abnormal behaviors would include a penchant for doing the addictive, excessive and destructive. What gives of these extreme behaviors? Are these disguises for a low self-esteem, inferiority complex, self-castigation, or major discomfort for the unfamiliar?

Perhaps, the overwhelming sense of not living up to expectations puts the successful person in intellectual overdrive. Living up to other’s expectations can be stressful, as what we do may be scrutinized. The thought of being examined under a microscope and criticized for what we do, or not do, can be disheartening.

So, what can we do? Face up to reality. Do a reality check. Take two sides. Imagine you are optimistic: what are your options and possibilities of immediate success? Now, imagine you are pessimistic: what holds you back, and what can be the worst-case scenario for you if you continue on your current course of actions? Are any of these fears unfounded? Do you have strong evidence to indicate that some of these concerns may be realized? What are you doing to sabotage your success, consciously and unconsciously?

When I swam solo last week [read: Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks], I confronted one of my fears (of failure). It was disguised as my limitation, however I managed to challenge my belief. Our fear of failure or success is but a belief that may not be useful, if these impede our potential, or our capabilities to realize our talents and abilities.

5 Ways Coaches Can Give Effective Feedback

When you give feedback to others, how do they normally respond to you?

Feedback is important when you want to perform at your best. I have watched many competitions, and the salient difference between a better performance and a good performance may boil down to the quality of feedback the performer receives and acts on, from their coach and mentors.

Feedback is nothing more than a technical term for the process of communication. Before you can receive feedback, you will need to engage some form of ‘feed forward’. Feed forward leads to feed back. In between the transmission (to use a radio term), there is a possibility of interference.

You can feed forward questions, and get feed back (responses) from your recipient. Whether you like it, or like it more, feedback can be useful if the intention is good. Most people have good intentions, however the delivery of the feedback may be ineffective or lacks the impact. Here are some ways to give feedback that leaves an indelible impression.

CATCH THEM DOING RIGHT

Tell them when somebody is doing something well, or correctly. It is so easy to criticize, and people are so programmed to tell people off. Tell them ON. This will switch them on to other useful feedback that may follow. When was the last time you felt compelled to tell a service-staff how much you appreciated their help? Tell them face-to-face; perhaps, even write a complimentary e-mail to their organization.

CATCH THEM IN THE ACT

Practice makes perfect. Right? Not exactly! Perfect practice make perfect. Wrong practice makes permanent. Do you always want to go about the pathway of ‘learn, unlearn, and relearn’? It takes about 30 days to replace a habit, with another. If your staff has a questionable behavior, or is not performing to the best of their abilities have a chat with them. Engage them in a productive conversation. A productive conversation is one where, when both parties leave, they have a heightened sense of respect and assurance for each other. As my teacher, Jan Kelly would say: ‘For bigger. For longer.’ That is, make a person feel bigger than they are, and enhance that experience.

CORRECT THEM WHEN THEY DO IT INCORRECTLY

How you correct a person when they are wrong is, use a format of Situation, Behavior and Consequence. Essentially, inform the person of the specific, useless behavior that they demonstrated during a particular event (a recent one, of course), and the consequence of this behavior on you, or others. Consequences have a logical way of nudging a person out of their stupor (unconscious awareness). If the damage has been done, ask them what they will do differently the next time.

ENCOURAGEMENT IS A POWERFUL TOOL OF MOTIVATING

Be encouraging. Use words of encouragement. Encourage means ‘to give courage’. It is complimentary to ‘empower’, although this is a much more complex process to implement. How do you give courage to others? What can you say or do, that engages a person’s sense of courage? When you feel courageous, what else are you capable of doing?

COMPLIMENT WHEN YOU CAN, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY

The late-Insoo Kim Berg (Brief Therapy co-founder) encouraged us to give daily compliments. It can make this world a better place to live in.

Leadership Lessons: Catch them doing right, and correct them when you have to. Lead with your astute observation and acute sense of performance.

Leading in the Face of Controversy

A controversy is a contention, strife, dispute or argument.

How do you manage controversy?

If you were a pageant winner and your criminal record surfaces, what would you do? If a young President of his country wins a Nobel Peace Prize, although he has not fully delivered on his results how would he respond?

Managing controversy requires skills in public relations and rapport, your personal/leadership branding, and personal values. Reeves Leong talks about Leadership Branding, and how the gestalt of a person matters more than singular events and performance records.

Do you tell the truth way before others find out? Or, do you test your luck and pretend it never happened? Or, do you let the dust settle after the wave of controversy washes over? Muddied thoughts lead to the blatant passing of judgments, inaccurate recollections, or things turning more ugly. Is bad publicity better than no publicity? Dirty laundry is still dirty – when you air it. In a world dictated by blatant self-aggrandisement via the formulaic, five-minutes-of-fame, YouTube-orientated span of attention, we need to be mindful of how the world views us through our actions, or inactions.

It should not be bad news that leaders should worry about. It is how bad news is presented to their people, that matters more. So, did Late-Show host David Letterman do the right thing by revealing details of his inappropriate employer-employee relations before somebody beat him to the microphone? If you cannot undo the damage, can you minimise it - via damage control, and the guise of collateral damage?

On a highly positive note: Congratulations to Singapore’s Mr Ng Ser Miang who has been elected to the post of Vice-President of the International Olympic Committee (IOC); he will serve a four-year term. 60-year-old Mr Ng, an IOC Board Member since 2005, was instrumental in bringing the Youth Olympics to Singapore in 2010. He has served on the Executive Board for four years.

The Joys of Running

‘Be running up that road. Be running up that hill. Be running up that building. Say if I only could.’ ~ Kate Bush

I have had extensive experience on running. I have run away from trouble. I have run away from responsibility. I have run away from work. Sounds familiar? Okay, I have yet to run away from the law.

I was attracted to running in secondary school. I never swam competitively as our school did not have a pool or an aggressive swim team. So, running was the natural way for me and my school churned out some fine cross-country runners. My form-teacher Mr Cheong Soon Kiat unleashed the runner in me with his encouragement. I appreciate his open-minded approach as my running is much better than my riding and swimming. Mr Cheong and his wife Suzanna are now serious triathletes.

My favourite book on running was ‘The Complete Book of Running’ by the late-Jim Fixx. A few years ago, I reviewed my running technique by attending a Chi Running workshop. I learnt to run lighter on my feet, with better alignment and smaller steps – and with almost child-like abandonment. Recently, advice from professional triathletes and my intuition led me to running with wider strides. I believe that I run faster now.

On Saturday, we hope that a professional triathlete will crack the 2 hour 40 minute marathon mark (in an Ironman race) set by Mark Allen almost two decades ago at Kona in the Ironman Triathlon World Championships. Steve Prefontaine defied his coach, Bill Bowerman (co-founder of Nike) by running ahead of the pack, and never behind. Steve could never be in the mix, nor trailed behind his competitors.

So, what has running got to do with leadership? Well, running can get you fit very quickly. The analogy of running has crept into our language. My triathlon friends include those who run businesses, run their families, and run large-scale operations.

Leadership Lessons: Do you run away from responsibility? Do you know when to run away from a bad opportunity? Have you ever run for your life? Have you considered running away from your fears?

Runner Logo designed by Tan Boon Fong.

Waiting for the Big Show in Kona

This Saturday, 10 October, in Kailua, Kona, Hawaii the Ironman Triathlon World Championships will be held. Almost 2,000 of the world’s best, long-distance triathletes will test their will and willpower in this historical race.

Born in 1978, through a conversation among aging endurance athletes the Ironman race was conceptualized. It started as a casual question: Who is fitter – swimmer, runner or cyclist? A trial race (comprising all three disciplines) was organized with less than 15 hopeful entrants, and 31 years later, the Ironman is a worldwide sporting phenomenon that continues to grow with uncanny conviction. What would possess tens of thousands of triathletes to attempt this insane endurance challenge? Some things in life are best left mysterious.

Last year, my 20-something, Melbourne-based friend Wilson Low raced in the 30^th Anniversary edition of Ironman World Championships. He described the experience as amazing, and he was happy as a mud lark for completing it, and in very good time. He also prepared himself mercilessly months before the race. Since it was the world championships, he decided that being thoroughly fit and mentally prepared for the challenging conditions (strong side winds and shearing heat) would ensure his personal success.

Wilson also followed that up closely with the Ironman 70.3 World Championships a month later in Clearwater, Florida. Five Singaporeans – Wilson, Grace Chan, Brian Tan and I – raced in the third edition of this race format. I will make my way again – with a larger coterie - to Clearwater on 14 November, to take a shot at a personal best performance. Of the Singaporeans, most notable are 60-year-old Joseph Ong and Kona-finisher Jeanette Wang.

Ironman China podium-winner for her age group, Shawn Ann Leong (of Crazy2Tri) will be competing for the first time in Kona. We wish her all the best in her attempt!

So, tune in to the event ‘live’ on IRONMANLIVE.COM to watch this amazing race. The commentators comprise ex-Ironman champions who provide enthusiastic and passionate narratives. There will be many human stories that may bring a tear to your eyes, or raise your hope for those struggling to complete it on time. Witness the best-of-the-best in action!

Leadership Lessons: Great ideas are born from seeds of curiosity or dissent. It takes initiative to test one’s theories. When was the last time you tested one of your theories? What would it take for you to find out the reality? When was the last time you tested yourself against the best in your field?

Photo-credit: Melina Chan

Are You Up to It?

'Don't give up - 'cause you have friends. Don't give up - you're not beaten yet. Don't give up - I know you can make it good.’ ~ Kate Bush & Peter Gabriel, singers.

If it’s to be, it’s up to me.

Today’s preposition is ‘up’. We have heard of up-sizing at convenience food chains, although we don’t recommend this dietary practice frequently. You may have upped the ante in your private poker game; yet, come up short. My friend, Shade has a credo: Life’s a gamble, and I’m the risk. How risk-averse are you? Which kinds of risks would you take?

Taking up a challenge is about competing. More and more of my friends are taking up running, and even triathlons. It seems that they are taking up hobbies that are physical, and lifestyle-orientated. The active lifestyle can take you on a different pathway, towards discovering your personal potential and limits. Get up, and get moving!

Being optimistic allows us to look at the up side of things, rather than its down side. What goes up need not necessarily come down. We can defy gravity with our buoyant attitude and rising confidence in those around us. Give people a chance to shine instead of just giving up.

Karma has a way of boomeranging back to us. If we treat people badly, because we suspend our emotional intelligence, we may receive our comeuppance. If you desert your team, you may receive your just desserts for your evaluative sins of your past [part of a phrase attributed to Judith Crist].

How would you lead your team to come up with new ideas? How would you encourage the collective potential of each of your members? How would you wish to be remembered? It’s up to you.

Get Over It!

‘Get over it’ ~ Eagles single song (from ‘Hell Freezes Over’ album), released 14 years after the band’s break up.

What are prepositions? These are words introduced into grammar that introduces a prepositional phrase. A preposition indicates a relation between things; essentially based on a position. In English, the most used prepositions are "of", "to", "in", "for", "with" and "on".

Prepositions can also be described as ‘prep-positions’, or ‘pre-positions’. These are position of perspectives. Leaders influence from different directions, and points of entry.

Can you over-prepare? This involves practice, rehearsals and training. It involves preparing for the worst, and working on contingency plans. Better to be thorough than to have an over-sight and be considered careless.

In endurance sports such as marathons and triathlons, our coaches advise us to do ‘over-distance’. This is training over longer distance than the race dictates. Say you are training for the180km bike leg of the Ironman triathlon, over-distance involves doing prolonged mileage of 180km, 200km, 220km, and more.

There is a danger to over-distance training, and that is over-training. Over-training leads to fatigue, soreness, and compromised physical performance. We have to be careful about over-doing it, for it can annoy others as well as cause us discomfort. Perhaps, getting it over and done with can be the better choice, instead of prolonging the training session. Chores, paperwork and bills to be paid fall under the category of must-do things.

We can over-come the pitfalls of endurance training by being more focused on technique, checks and measures, and our plan. If a race does not go according to plan, get over it. There is always another day to race, or another race to match up to our expectation.

Over to you!